Ever feel like you're floating through life? Not really there, merely an audience to your own experience. Saying things, but you're not the one speaking the words. Doing things, but you're not the one initiating the action. You're merely a spectator. Like you're sitting in a movie theater, watching your life unfold before you.
It's how I feel. It's how I feel most of the time.
I don't know who I am. I don't know why I'm here, or what I'm going to do with my life. I suppose one could say I 'roll with the punches,' but even that isn't true. I seem to seek out the most damaging people and experiences and immerse myself within situations that cause me nothing but harm. I sit back. I'm on autopilot, and I seem to look for only things and people that will hurt me. Disappoint me. Or worse. Leave me.
What's so incredibly frustrating is that I have no idea how to take control. I've been like this for so long, I have no idea where to begin. How does one go from being in the audience to the main character in the film? How does that happen? I want to get out. I don't want to feel trapped anymore. I want to take control. I just don't know how yet.
"Tell me there's a logic out there.
Leading me to better prepare
For the day that something really special might come.
Tell me there's some hope for me.
I don't wanna be lonely
For the rest of my days on the earth."
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