Downpour.

Rain washes everything away.
Lets you start over.
No more pain.
Exhaustion.
Anger.
Guilt.
No burdens.
Just cleansing.
Just freedom.
Just liberation.
Just the rhythm of raindrops.
As steady as your heart beating next to mine.

Sweet Disposition.

I had never really thought about it.

Your disposition.

The way you smile at me when I make a sarcastic remark.
The way you can tell when I'm thinking about something.
The way you know when I'm upset, angry; and all you do is kiss my forehead and tell me I'll be okay.
The way you sense when I need your hand to hold.
The way you hold me against you like you never want to let me go.
The way you kiss me, unexpectedly, yet so softly.

I had never really thought about it. And now, I'm almost angry I did.

It makes it that much harder to convince myself this means nothing.

Because in reality, I know it does.

"Never too soon..
Oh reckless abandon,
Like no one's watching you.
A moment, a love;
A dream, a laugh;
A kiss, a cry;
Our rights, our wrongs.
A moment, a love;
A dream, a laugh;
A moment, a love;
A dream, a laugh;
Just stay there.
Cause I'll be comin' over;
While our blood's still young."
-Temper Trap.

I'm the Hero of This Story, I Don't Need to be Saved.

Everything around me
It feels fake
It feels unfair
It feels out of my control
How is that possible?
It's my life
It should be in my control
It is in my control
Maybe I'm simply
Setting the bar too high
Expecting too much
Of myself
Of my life
Of justice
I don't believe in karma
Simply because
The world is not that fair
Nothing is truly fair
In this world
A pessimistic view
To some
But to me
It's the truth
I get upset
About the smallest things
Things that don't
Make sense
Things that
Upset me
Beyond your belief
This life is so difficult
Almost too much for me
But I need to do it
No one can help me
I used to believe that
I receive
What I give
Which is no longer
True
I want it all
I want everything
But I guess
No one's got it all

Tired.

All the time. I'm walking through life in a daze.

Quite honestly, I am so sick of dealing with being everyone's punching bag. Just because I don't fight back and act like a bitch does not give anyone permission to walk all over me.

When I'm right, I'm right. If I have a reason to be upset, I will express my feelings. But I will not say things that I know I will only regret later on. However, that is not an invitation to treat me like a doormat and take out all your anger on me just because you feel like it.

I'm not putting up with it anymore. I will no longer be anyones doormat.

I do refuse to turn into a complete bully whenever I get the slightest suspicion of a threat approaching, however. (You absolutely know who you are.) I refuse to turn into a cold hearted human being just because past experiences had a negative effect on me. And it's truly sad that you have. In fact, we watched a video today in psychology about sociopaths:

"Sociopath (noun): someone who has an antisocial-type personality, pleasure-seeking, remorseless; interested only in their personal needs and desires, without concern for the effects of their behavior on others."

I think that might be a solid way to define you. Not meant to be insulting, although it absolutely sounds that way. You simply have a myriad of sociopathic qualities and tendencies.

Anyway,as you are in the past, it shouldn't matter, but it made me think of you. It's saddening, isn't it?

I just want to move on from this trainwreck my life has become.

Busy, Yet Bored.

Story of my life.

Complete paradox. But hey, is anything ever simple with me?

Ugh. I miss the days of summer.

(Hey you. I miss you too.)

Still haven't sent that letter. It's on my to do list. Like those things will ever get done. Welcome to the complicated life of Taylor.

"I do this from time to time;
Where I can never wake from a bad dream.
I do this from time to time;
When I can never say the things I mean.
I do this from time to time;
Where I like to watch you as you sleep.
I do this from time to time;
Where I like to think of you with me."
-Angels and Airwaves.

Illusions.

Everything seems so perfect
When I'm with you
Talking to you
Laughing with you
Only when we're apart
Do the tears fall
The doubt begins
The pain sets in
As I reflect
On what we are
Together
Who I am
Alone
Am I better without you
But you're not really mine
This dream I'm living in
This safe place
This shelter
Does not exist
I need to step out
Into the storm
Face the thunder
Let you go
Until I realize
The storm
Is only rain

Significance.

As I stare
Silently at the rain
Watching the small drops of water
Falling
Falling quickly
Hitting the ground
The window pane
Bursting into smaller drops
Until they disappear
Into the sea of raindrops
Insignificant
Small
Indistinguishable
In that sea of raindrops
Am I just as
Insignificant
Small
Indistinguishable
In this sea of people
Falling
Falling quickly
Until I hit the ground

I Wrote You a Letter.

I don't know if I'll send it.

It says everything I want to say to you. Everything I can't say when I'm talking to you. Because I don't want to lose you.

The subject we avoid like the plague. The cloud that hangs over my head.

I need to send it.

But will I be able to?

"If you want to call me baby,
just go ahead now.
And if you like to tell me maybe,
just go ahead now.
And if you want to buy me flowers,
just go ahead now.
And if you like to talk for hours,
just go ahead now."
-Spin Doctors.